Sunday, February 28, 2010

"Committed." - The Whys and Hows.

Good conversations always make good blog posts! :D The other day, Harish and I were talking about relationships and why people get into them. It was more on a marital level but I'll start with the basics.

So why do people get into a relationship?

Supriya Thanawala's "One can be fun" article in the Valentines Day edition of the HT Brunch also stated that one should get into a relationship solely for love and not for anything else. She says it's better to accept loneliness than get into a bad relationship. But trust me, 9 out of 10 relationships have different reasons of existence. The biggest of them all is fear and insecurity. Fear of ending up alone, and insecurity of oneself. And why does this fear exist? Because how much ever we deny it, most of us are afraid of being with ourselves. Ask yourself who you are  when you look at yourself in the mirror today. We are not comfortable being with ourselves, it scares us and we need someone to lean on. We are insecure or unsure about our own decisions; WE DON'T LOVE OURSELF.

That's also one of the reasons why abusive relationships exist, and also why people don't separate after infidelity crops up in the relationship. I think this is also why most men involved in rape cases have their wives supporting them. 

Another kind of relationships are rebound relationships which occur when you separate from someone and just need a companion. These don't last too long and one of the parties ends up getting hurt.

As far as marriages are concerned, most people rush into them as a result of their own insecurities and fear of loneliness again. And then there are those few far between that can't control their libidos and considering premarital sex is a taboo in Indian society, opt for a wedlock.

So what does one do? How does one overcome his/her insecurities? (That's one question I'm waiting to answer myself!) 

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. - Anonymous

How does one love his/herself? 

For one, you can start by getting rid of the notion that loneliness implies unhappiness. Start doing things you truly love, and if you don't know what they are, try random things and you'll eventually know what you love doing. It may be a hobby or a profession. Once you've found it, you've found something you can do all your life and never get bored. Spend more time with yourself: read a book, pamper yourself, go for a massage at one of the best spas in the city, make a play-list of your favourite songs and carry it with you, go for a walk, go trekking, click pictures, cook yourself a lavish meal, enrol yourself for a workshop that you find interesting. Enjoy your life while being true to your conscience. Once you begin, the list is endless.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." - Oscar Wilde 

Of course, it's easier said than done but it's worth it in the long run. And then, once you've found your love, you'll really know it! :) 

Never do anything that makes you unhappy.

Now..why does this post sound like I'm lecturing you? me is off :P

P.S: Thanks Harish for being there all throughout! You've been an amazing friend. :) 

The image has been Googled for.


Jaspreet Aiden said...

LOVED THE FIRST PART, U ve done solid R and D, And its usually one then one reason if not over 30-40 odd reasons y u get into a relationship, and then if u can find 10-15 odd reasons to stay in one, there u ve found urself a committed relationship

Calvin Pereira said...

(Sob Sob)...Good One Bhatt!

Harish Krishnan said...

Very well written! Loved every line of it! Will be there for you always to *Inspire* you to write such wonderful posts. :)

JD said...

first of all, this post kept me engaged till the end, rather than feeling even 1ce u were lecturing :) Anyway, I agree that this myte be one of the toughest question 2 answer. It really boils down to individual level as commitment means diffrent to diffrent person. At the end of da day, no matter how strong u are, if you see a romantic couple, you feel lyke falling in love, but everyone has their own tyme. So if you decide that u gotta have a gf/bf just coz u have to, and all your friends have one, u r lyin to yourself (and here is were I agree that 9/10 people are caught in da trap)...but the truth is even if they do, they will realize that its not the right one and that will discontinue, sooner or later..

If u feel confused in a realtionship, try putting your partner in diffrent situations where his/her competencies are tested..Keep observing and a deep voice insyde u will tell u if thats the ryte or a wromg relationship!! Sorry for another long comment (Cant help wrytyng on this subject :D) I would like to see ver 2 of this post !! :)

Samy said...

A nice post to inspire and boost people who might be at a low point right now or going through a lot of insecurities and uncertainties in their life.

I agree that you definitely need someone to lean upon, but then you also need to protect your own emotions to make sure the person on whom you lean towards to is not taking advantage of you or your weaknesses.

Love, relationships, marriages are all bound to be if its bound to be ... One should not and cannot either turn away from it or get too much involved with it such that one forgets his/her own identity ...

I feel a well balanced relationship not only lets you progress but also lets your partner flourish and when you hit that note, that is when you can truly explore and enjoy the various phases of life together ...


Anonymous said...

Thats an amazing one! Seriously, you have hit the nail right on the head!

And against what you think, loving yourself is perhaps the easiest thing to do...U don't have to disagree to anyone, no nagging phone calls, no spending YOUR money on anyone else (best part..heheh).

Go to a mall and try to spend your day all by yourself...Its no big deal..the peace and the pace that u get is simply great...

A wonderful piece of work! :)

Anonymous said...

Loved the post and I so totally agree with what you have written here. "fear and insecurity" - absolutely. I have seen rebound relationships too and they dont last for long.

ADITYA said...

Very well written, Anubha!!

Hard to disagree with any of the points u mentions!!

Keep Lecturing..ooopss :P ;) WRITING like this!

Anubha said...

Hehe.. thanks! I thought we'd be debating here too :P

Thanks.. Sob Sob why??

Hehehe.. thank you!! :D

It's hard listening to that deep voice inside that tells you whether it's the right/wrong person when you feel that you need someone to live with (out of insecurity). Do a post on this na! Sahi hoga! ;)

Very true. A relationship needs to be well balanced in order to grow and flourish! :)

Indeed an easy thing to do but takes a lot of time and effort! :)

Hmm, rebound relationships are also a result of insecurity again. You feel lost and helpless when you are used to having someone in your life and suddenly you are all alone. But it's true that they don't last that long.

heheheh thanks :D

Reema said...

wonderful post :)

Anubha said...

Thanks dear! :)

Unknown said...

evolution biology says primary motivation of human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. one of the ways to accomplish this is through our relationships with other people..