Monday, March 29, 2010

The "Fairer" Sex?

I've been facing some sort of a writer's block lately, but I finally got something to blog about today when I stepped out with my best friend to get her arms waxed - for the first time! :D And no, I'm not going to take you through the whole process of how it goes!! *Sheesh* This gets far more serious than that.

So, after entering a parlour and she bleeding while getting waxed by the lady there, we decided to try another one instead which was a mile away. We walked our way in the hot sun and finally got to this place we were recommended to by a friend (our hairstylist). The lady at the parlour asked my friend (let's call her Susan) to go inside one of the rooms there and get seated. Susan, after mustering a lot of courage walked into the room looking like a goat on it's way to a butcher-shop just about to get slaughtered. After she screamt in pain and finished her business, she came out hurling curses at the lady and swore on her life never to go back again (we are going back in a couple of weeks :P).

Anyway, this brought us to one question, why don't men wax their faces instead of shaving off their beards? And then why is it called the "stubble look" when they get lazy to do so? It's not only about the notion that girls are supposed to be "prim and proper" (of course, who's to say what's proper in the first place!), why do girls have to go through such pain time and again? 

Why are they supposed to be slim and fair while men can hog all they want to and still be called "healthy"? Why are they supposed to have the perfectly shaped eyebrows, manicured nails, a clear skin and beautiful hair? Is beauty (in case of women) only skin deep? And then why do they take the effort? 

Why does a working woman, after devoting 9 hours at work, still be supposed to work in the kitchen till the wee hours of the night after her husband goes to bed and snores to glory?

Why is a woman supposed to know how to sit "properly" and "behave" while a man can sit as he wants to?

Why is a woman treated like dirt when she becomes a victim of rapes and assaults? 

Why has nature too been unfair on women? Why does a woman have to go through feeling sticky every month and tolerate that torture? Why does a man, after an act of sexual intercourse walk away feeling satisfied while his partner endures 9 months of agonizing pain in giving birth? And then, why are men made physically more stronger when women need that strength more?

We have come to an age of boob jobs and size zeroes, of laser treatments, fairness creams, nose jobs and the like and those advertisements have always targeted women (the mens' fairness cream ads that have just started flaring is an exception).

Then again, why is it called the "fairer" sex when everything about it is so unfair?


ektz said...

well said anubha. very well said.

Anonymous said...

Really nice points put up there!
But the sad part is, there's no one to answer all these questions. =|

But anyway, really nice post! =)

Rohan - Smiles to go before i sleep :-) said...

too feminist for a girl like u...u always are so open minded abt equality, abt the 33% reservation drama and all...

girls do all the waxing, eyebrow, make up cause they themsleves like it, like the comliments they get, like when others look at them...

then y the hue n cry about it and compaing it with guys shave???guys shave or leave the beard as it is when they want...frankly most of them give a damn abt wat others think abt it...but v never shout that it grows everyday and all...

girls like to be treated equally, but still expect guys to get up in buses, want 33% reservation...if a guy accidently jumps into a ladies bogie in a local he has to hear so many abuses and pay a fine...if a girl gets into a gents compartment guys have to maintain a 1 feet distance even though the compartment is packed to avoid pushing her...and still shout we are oppressed...wat hypocricy???

Vinz said...

Is not that way it was moulded earlier..?? the society, i meant..

And is there not a change coming onto this scenario..?

i believe yes..its a very debatable topic..but then, you will have to accept that things are changing...

PS: I feel woman only feel they should wax to look more prettier..and to get accepted among crowd..dont u think so...?? even not fully, some part of this system is developed by the 'woman' clan...

I am sure, in older days, maybe my grand mothers time and before that, females never waxed...!!

jas said...

I don't know how the "waxing" the whole body got started but i do know that women in movies and plays initiated it.. men would have put up with it if women hadn't started it.. anyway, times are changing.. men are now supposed to take care of themselves and do things [including waxing legs and chest].. it's called metrosexuality..

P.S. unfair? do u want me to list ALL the things women have easy?

Anonymous said...

Solutions to these questions can be given only by God, because he only created us(M- Me/F-You).God only can decide what men should have and what women shouldn't have.I don't know whtr' u will be going to hell or heaven(Go to Hell !!!), but once when you have reached the desired target, go and ask these questions to God.

Regarding shaving: Sometimes while shaving even mens use to cut their cheek and chin with razor and bleed. But we are not complaining creature like WOMEN. OOPS!! sorry its only you "Anubha Bhat".. I don't want to scold the entire female community. I love your community very much. Bcoz my Mom is also a Very Good Women....

Men with Beard and Mustache sometimes ??? Got it???

Reema said...

this is a debatable which has many shades.its not so black and white. There is a part where females themselves judge other females on basis of looks etc. So its not always males who are the reason behind the painful beauty procedures. There are many other points but I will stop here :)

Sakhi said...

i agree with reema :)

Bluraykabaap said...

The Reason Behind All Your Why's ....



Vinayak said...

why don't men wax their faces... Isn't it the "fairer" sex which wants to look clean and smooth and silky.. the fairer sex of this generation I mean.

Why are they supposed to be slim and fair while.. You are going by specific examples. I know men who care for their skin, their hair, their nails.. I also know women who don't give a grain of sand about it.

Why does a working woman, after devoting 9 hours at work,-- Why are men, after devoting 11 hours at work, supposed to listen to a woman's rants about how unfair her boss is.. or why he supposed to bother about the accounts... And how did you get this idea that men do not help out in kitchen. Most guys today know to cook, thanks to staying away from home soon after +2.

Why is a woman supposed to know how to sit "properly" and "behave" while a man can sit as he wants to?
Be my guest.. sit the way you want to... if you find it comfortable..

Why is a woman treated like dirt when she becomes a victim of rapes and assaults? Its a shame that this is true in some sections of the society.... But now there are strict laws (But then again India has laws for everything, but none to uphold it)

Why has nature too been unfair on.. get a hysterectomy done, have your womb removed....Actually the pleasures of bearing a child is supposed surpass every pleasure in this world.. Do you hear men crying that they do not get that pleasure... there is always a flip side to every coin..

We have come to an age of boob .. (These companies know their audience well)

No offense, but women spruce up because they want to.. men do not impose such stuff. Women have a 33% percent reservation now, but still men are just going about their businesses without cribbing. Why dont women follow suite..

Anubha said...

@ektz Thanks a lot and welcome here! :)


The 33% reservation thing really sucks; I was just talking about the kind of mentality that exists now, among men and women alike! It's good that guys don't give a damn but it'll take eons to change the way girls think!

I don't know if I see a change coming, I only see things getting worse. The things that have been made up by the "women clan" should be changed.

Yes, it's movies that initiated all of this.

We aren't complaining. Oops.. sorry.. "I" am not complaining. I just wish we could all change the way we thought! And thanks, hope to see you down there (hell) someday!

Yes that's true. Wish all women out there could change all this, we should start attaching more importance to our inner selves and stop comparing.


I knew that was coming :P

Whoa! Okay, I agree I shouldn't have taken it all out on the male community. They aren't the ones to blame, and there are exceptions and solutions to all those things I mentioned. If women stop giving a damn to rules laid down by OTHER women, things might change!

Rohan - Smiles to go before i sleep :-) said...

so for women to change the way they think, y dont all women who supported this stop waxing from now on???

now that will be quite a hair raising experience :):):)

JD said...

So It's time da tyme (dhan ta na..)!! :)

Okay, first thyng about women taking pain to do all waxing, eyebrows, underarms, transplantations, and god knows what !! It is out of their inbuilt desire to look good (no its actually to look da best :P), both to men and women. Yes even to another woman, if a gurl looks @ another chick whu is dressed better than her (n that happens all da tyme)- boom! com3s a question - "bhala uski skin meri skin se safed kasise ?" "Uske baal, kaunsa shampoo/conditioner (huh! hair dye lagayi/sasta color lagaya hoga)" lol :D A

Aur yaar ladko ke bhi apne problems hote hai, for e.g. beard na aana, for days many teenagers keep shaving their jawline wid sharp razors, just in a hope dat hair will grow sumday :)I know dats too less in compared to what gurls have to go thru...but what about the never ending rewards that a girl gets including that "she can have any man do anything to get her ?" ;)

Rest of the thyngs, agreed, women have to suffer a lot. but thyngs are changing gradually..i dnt thynk our generation is gng to witness boyfriends/husbands whu are selfish enough to let their love wurk like "Sakoobais" all da tyme :D I forsee a women dominated wurld soon (sometimes I feel it is already the case):) Lovely Post Anu !!

Ashish Garg said...

Hi Anubha, the question in your mind is perfectly ok. Women could only know the problems they face. But men
on the other side have there own problems, can say, faced due to women. Rohan has included some of those and are really genuine.

Well I am new to blogging and found your blogs great.
One of my frriend told me about your blogs.
You really inspired me to blogging.
Please visit my blog and do suggest how I can improve.

Unknown said...

you are not factoring in- how much of these done for 'herself' not for her's him.. because men has low expectations..
and you probably need to explain ur man that you have waxed.. or cut your hair.. or did your nails or whatever.. bez 'his' power of observing may not be as smart as you think..

Abhishek Bhat said...

Quite a few comments there

Well, you may find this interesting to read:

And here's my 10 cents:
Some of the issues you raised are evolutionary and the rest are social. Social change takes a century or two for a complete transformation. I don't think there is any place in the world where women have been out of the house for 200 years as yet. Maybe you can check back in the year 2200 :)

As for the part about wanting to look good, women being smaller than men and the rest. Well that's evolution. It took nature quite a few millennia to get us to where we are so we can survive (that goes for all species). You cant really expect it to start making changes overnight because you think certain factors are inappropriate for some of the changes that happened over the last 200-300 years.

fivefeetsmall said...

Bwahahha...awesome post!
Awesome thought!
Some points are really worth a

Why is a woman treated like dirt when she becomes a victim of rapes and assaults?...or..

Why does a working woman, after devoting 9 hours at work, still be supposed to work in the kitchen till the wee hours of the night after her husband goes to bed and snores to glory?

but being prim and proper is upto some extent self imposed..
nobody tells us to thread our eyebrows..or wax our arms..
to have great hair...or to look fair..

btw waxing IS painful!! :P!

Tripthi Battapadi said...

nicee posts! :)

Anonymous said...

I guess what a woman should do, is up to her; likewise, for a man : as long as you don't hurt another individual.

Why did she go wax when she could've got the same results with a razor?

Who demands girls have to be slim and fair? No one! It's girls themselves who pine after all these because else, guys don't take a second look. It's the law of nature ;)

Why doesn't the working woman keep a maid at home to do the household chores and cooking?

The 'sit' properly was in those days when girls wore just skirts and saris ;) Now, sit and behave the way you want, as long as you dont over-expose and sent out 'sexy' vibes to attract those vile males.

Girls are treated like dirt when they're raped. If the girl (and her family) can stand up for the cause, its a winning situation (which almost never happens! Sad!!)

Women 'love' being mothers; the stickiness and the 9-month ordeal is part of the process; if they don't want that, why get pregnant at all? Adopt!!

Boob jobs, size zeros, fairness and the rest is something the female forces up on herself : to be the style icon, the admired one and what not!

As a woman, I may not be expected to write NOT in favour of women. But I must say, we have a lot of things in our favour and yet we keep complaining!

I wonder if anyone ever thinks of the pressure men go through once he gets married: because, society dictates that HE should run the family; in spite of horrid work env and job-hating, they still continue since they cant 'take a break' and make the financial pillar breakdown -- but the girl, can take a break when she wants!

She hates being made to do the household work just coz she's a woman, but is grateful for the 'ladies' queue' and 'ladies' seat'. And much much more.


Women are women, and men are men, for their own reasons. Else, let's challenge anatomy and society and bring about a reform; as long as men cant get pregnant and women cant walk around in just their skirts, we better not complain about whose fairer than the other ;)

Guess this is the longest comment I wrote in all my blogging life :D

Anubha said...

I meant that it has been the case with women too. We have now begun to think that way even though no one tells us to, but this did not exist a few decades ago.

@JD Shah
Hehe I don't see a woman-dominated India at least! I'd like to see both sexes given equal treatment though.

First of all, welcome here! :) And thanks a lot!! :)
Rohan does have some valid points but what I meant to say was why has our thinking changed SO much?
Hopping over to your blog...

True, but why do even women think the way they do now? What has happened to natural beauty and things like that?
Welcome here btw :)

I know but if there have been so many changes in the way we think, I wonder what the case will be in the next social transformation!
Loved the link btw! Reservations actually make women seem weak; it does give them more chance to succeed but not to prove that they can be good competitors. It was an interesting read and it's exactly what I feel about the ladies reservation seats in the buses. I never make a man get up when I see him sitting on a ladies seat. Just once a conductor had done it for me but I felt guilty.

true that it is mostly self-imposed but you tend to think that NOT doing a lot of those things is "bad".

@The Blue Periwinkle
Thanks and welcome to my blog! :)

I couldn't help but agree with all those points you mentioned. Well, I guess this post came out wrongly. I think I should publicly apologise to all men here. They have equal pressures especially in a country like India where they're supposed to run the house while their wives can do as they please. I wanted to speak about how we've changed our way of thinking; about how women now think it's important to wax, to shape your eyebrows, to be slim and just a few decades ago, none of this even existed. We were so ignorant about all this and look how much has changed now!

And yes, your comment was just like a blog post! :)

idiosyncraticspace said...

@ Anubha: I dont really think dat u need ta apologise for articulating ur thoughts,majority of da guys do tend ta trivialise this issue of "the fairer sex"..wot they fail ta realise is dat da codes n norms surrounding how one shud appear n wot one shud do (read as 'women' here)are all socially constructed and this unwritten norms have been so ingrained in our subconcious mind dat we dont even realise dat n blame each other..but the reality which is excruciatingly painful for women is dat geting rid from the shackles of patriarchy is still a distant dream for many like could come as a consolation for ol da guys here..women instead of playing the blame game should try ta deconstruct the social definitions that r imbibed in da society n esp men who are brought up that way. This is a sad 'reality' that women themselves are a part of this kind of teaching that is imparted to their male offsprings( stuff like a woman is a subservient sex n she needs to be controlled..)I know of many men who have been trying to deconstruct the patriarchally born notions in da society.Its gonna take time but things will change..
@ alphabetworld: regarding 33% reservation n hypocrisy...u seem ta have pretty reasonable arguments(no offence meant here) but reservation bussiness is a start for women..equality n competion arise only when one competitor considers da other a real competitor in that sense..if da other person is not even considered to be worth competing then wot kind of competition are u talking bout Mr?? i am pro-reservation in education only at the primary level for historically n socially backward groups and women in some areas( reserving bus seats n ol m not in favor of though) competition will start only when there will be equal number of women competing with more or less equal number of case of reservations in parliament is its absence even if women are capable "the dominant sex" will over power their chances which is wot has been happening till now..just dat this reservation i believe shud not go on till eternity..once its felt that there are enuf women out there then da real competition can start without any mo reservations..but da question is who gets ta decide that women have been its a whole lot tricky issue than it appears on the surface

sorry for d long comment but couldnt contain myself after reading ol da comments

rgc said...

I like this quote I saw on a fridge, some years back :
" The stronger sex is actually the weaker sex, because of its weakness for the weaker sex"

Himanshu said...

@Anubha: What, you're living in the 1990s or what? Go around our block and see, world has changed :)