Starry Night

This post was written on Friday, 8th Sept 2012 but could not be published because of a technical issue. :(

Late last night, after a low moment, I stood in the balcony to clear my head a little. Looked up to see the sky brightly lit with the moon in the center surrounded by hundreds of stars.. and the clouds coming to life in the moonlight.

And I could hear my heart singing to me.. "Look at the stars.. Look how they shine for you.. And everything you do.." :)  (Ref: Yellow- Coldplay)

Nothing or no one can console you better than the universe.. On a serious note, everything else seems so unimportant in front of it..

I'll have to say, the good thing about Hyderabad is that I get to see stars in the sky.. so many of them! Will miss this when I go back home.

I tried to capture them but no matter how good your camera is, you can never really capture what you see through the naked eye.. that too, I used a phone camera!!

(couldn't get the stars at all :( )

 Maybe it's good that you can't capture it.. that makes the experience all the more special !!

And just today, I got this in my inbox.. from Sakhi:

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

the space in between~

feels like i know you from a different place,

on a different universe~

and somehow, i always wait for these two worlds,

to be one..

so that i may know you in this world,

that i call my own..

and know you in the world that belongs to you,


and no longer in the space in between.

Beauty in Imperfection

This innate obsession with trying to fix everything is killing my spirit day by day..

It's just this obsession about trying to make every aspect of my life perfect.. But in the midst of trying to fix things, to make them better so that I may be at peace, I have lost all the peace I had..

maybe there are always going to be those little nooks here and there.. it's about overlooking them and being happy anyway.

Reminds me of a quote out of the book I'm reading at present:

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy" - Anne Frank

Regret

Recently, someone asked me if I was given a chance to change or erase one thing from my life, what would be it?

I could think of a hundred different things from the top of my head.. but when I dug deeper, I realised that everything that took place was either necessary or unavoidable.

Regret feels like such a waste of time then..

Thoughts..

It makes me angry and sad at the same time when some people don't always understand the way I feel. I mean- how can they not see that they are hurting me by their words or actions? It's not something I need to tell them. And yet, somewhere deep down, my heart still feels a liking, an affection for them.

Because they don't understand what they do.

I get that people can be good individuals but may not always be good with you. But it's still baffling how they don't understand what the other person might feel when they do or say certain things.

Maybe it's because we all are so different from one another.

For the record, I have started keeping a personal diary again, and it helps much more than blogging. I started blogging to write for myself but slowly, as it gained more readers, as I met these readers and as word spread to my offline world, I began to be judged by whatever I wrote.

And writing for myself has never been the same again.

Sometimes, it does work here but other times, I find myself stopping to think whether the next line will mean something to someone and potentially hurt them.

I did think of an anonymous blog at first but that too is prone to following the same cycle.

Also, there's a lot of joy & a sense of release in using your hands to write. Typing does not replace it.

It's fun keeping a journal again but not as much as it was during my teenage years. Back then, it was more about detailing day-to-day events. Now, it's more about thoughts, feelings and life.

I'm finally growing up, eh?

Well, all this does not mean I am going to bid goodbye to this blog. I'll always keep posting here. Will continue to write here as and when I feel like - just like I always have.

And if I feel like sharing some of the lines from my journal, I'll copy them here for all of you to read.

Adios for now.. be good and be happy :)

Slow down, you crazy child..

Know the sort of joy you feel when you fall in love with a song that's playing in the backdrop when you're watching a movie? And the restlessness that follows when you rewind the movie over and over to  find out its name?

Was watching "13 going on 30" on Friday night. I have always seen that movie in bits and pieces on TV.. Saw it at a stretch on my laptop for the first time. Beautiful movie..and the song had me floored! It's called "Vienna" by Billy Joel. Lovely lyrics, lovely soothing music!

I've shared the lyrics AND the download link here..

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Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...
Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?  

http://beemp3.com/download.php?file=1055411&song=Vienna (Download Link)

If you want to listen to it here:


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Love the lines-
"Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right."

So true!

For best effects, put on your pair of headphones and listen to this number past midnight.

P.S: Does anyone else think Jennifer Garner's body is like that of a man's body? I mean, I think her face is really cute but her body is so masculine!

dreams

picnic baskets,
flower bouquets,
holding hands in the rain,
dancing the waltz,
kisses on the cheek,
running in the park,
sleeping beneath the stars..

dreams are fading away.. there just isn't that longing anymore.
 thought i had a lot to give.. but perhaps i'm changing!

Caught in a whirlwind of emotions since the last few days...

Have you ever been afraid of moving on? I've been in a limbo since as long as I an remember.. Somehow, my mind keeps wanting to hold on to the "familiar" even if the "familiar" hurts. Moving on means letting go of the "familiar" so I can embrace the "new" but then there is this fear that comes in the way.

How does one ever take a leap of faith?

All of this took a back seat when I got a call the other day (Friday morning) from a close friend who informed me that Rehab passed away. It hit me in there..

Rehab and I weren't what you would call close friends. We had first met back in March 2009 at The Trident - Nariman Point for an event by Intuit and that's when I got introduced to her blog. I became a regular reader since mid 2010 and we kept meeting at Blog Camps, Bar Camps- exchanging smiles and ideas about blogging, books, BarCamp sessions and the like. Her blog is a glimpse of her positivity and love for life. And just like her face, it radiates a happy feeling. She wrote beautifully and I would always wait for her to post something new. It used to make my heart smile and fill me up with hope.

The last I had met her was when I was in Bombay for the last time - 17th June 2012. We were planning on organising a Blog Camp together. We had been exchanging emails regarding the same and when she didn't get back, I sent her another email at precisely the time she breathed her last. (Thursday, 5th July, 11PM IST).

She was a beautiful soul - one of the kindest I had come across. She was calm, kind and very helpful. and it's saddening that she had to depart so early.

This is the first time I have lost someone I knew fairly well (other than my grandfather, but in his case, we had accepted that it would happen one day). And the suddenness of it all is what hurts more. I hope her soul is at peace just like it was always, and how it was passed on to those who were touched by it.

Dealing with just so much all at once right now..I'm alternating between feelings of hope and despair every minute of the day. Waiting for something that will soothe my heart - something that will feel like home.

Sometimes I just want to hurt myself so that my heart can finally cry.. I just want to get hurt in the hope that all the sadness and anger inside me will get washed away forever.

Could totally connect with this.

I don't want to be here tonight. I feel so alone. Just can't get myself to sleep. Wishing I could be home asleep on my mattress, wrapped in my mom's hug!!! :(

She

She thought she had him forever and for always. She felt safe. She didn't realise her heart was hurting. She let him penetrate the wall that she had built anyway. She destroyed her life.