Friday, December 28, 2012

so many questions unanswered,
some important and some frivolous ones,

scared of letting go and hoping against hope..
for a certain future,
where i can dream again..

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Shave or Crave!

This post is a part of the 'Shave or Crave' movement in association with

After having written a post on the "fairer" sex some time back (on whether the world is really "fair" to it), this is how it can actually make the members of the opposite sex dance to its tunes..

A lot of women like the clean shaven look to the stubble or a full beard. Personally, I am fond of a stubble.. I think it makes a man look rough and tough! :D However, for an occasional evening out to a classy French restaurant, I'd prefer him to don a clean look.. :)

But if I was challenged to get my guy to shave.. how would I do it? Hmm..

For one, I can make him read my post on what women have to go through to just go grocery shopping let alone meet a guy!!! Honestly, if women were to go without grooming at all, it'd attract a lot of judging eyes..

Secondly.. I'd take eons to dress up for an evening out with him.. would keep him waiting till he took some efforts too :)

Will un-mute every Gillette advertisement when we are watching television together.. so that he gets the hint :P

At the end of the day, if he still doesn't get the hint, then I'd pretend to like his well groomed friend better, and compliment his clean shaven look publicly! That should definitely scare the daylights out of him!! :D

Friday, December 14, 2012


today has got me thinking a lot about life .. and the way people function.

a lot of times i doubt myself (my heart).. i fear doing the wrong things and keep myself grounded even when i don't need to.

in this week, i came across two people (one of them just today!!) who completely changed the faith i have in people with regards to how much they are true to themselves. and i feel proud of myself that i am naturally tuned to listen to my heart and to follow my principles.. yet i doubt myself every second! (which causes all the trouble) how silly is that?

and i'm glad that in my real life too, i've always been surrounded with people who are just as strong and morally grounded..

i wish i could make peace with my past totally somehow though.. i wish everything seemed okay to my soul. i've discovered that the more you stay connected to your present, the easier it is to make peace with your past. i am trying just that but the mind keeps taking me back to the past and making me do things that are bothersome to not only me.. but to everyone else too!!! i don't wish to be the cause of anyone's unhappiness and yet i end up doing just that..

my crabby mood doesn't help my mom either - who's always trying to get me to help her with her errands or trying to talk to me about something important that goes on at her workplace. i don't like spoiling her mood because it in turn affects her health too but it all happens when my mind makes a trip to the past and makes me crazy.

praying for faith!

P.S: Please treat this like a midnight journal entry and excuse bad punctuation & use of small case.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

felt some courage after a long, long time today..

a walk (coupled with talks) from nariman point to churchgate,
having a friend over for tea and snacks,

it's nice knowing you'll always have people to spend time with, to love.. it's all about whether you're willing to.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


i long for nothingness,

as nothing shall bring me peace..

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Happy Endings

I like happy endings. (who doesn't?)

Movies that end happily, novels where everything falls together on the last page.. they give you a sense of completion.

And that's what happy endings are about.

It's not always two people ending up together.

There is that man who gets to change the world before he can bid goodbye to it forever, there is the woman who sees her son finally achieving his dreams and in turn, her own too. Someone gets to say goodbye, someone is forgiven after years of living with guilt, someone moves on, someone finally gets to escape getting all the freedom they had yearned for.. And someone gets that closure they spent restless nights looking for..

It's no wonder we like happy endings. They aren't exactly "happy". They are "complete" and they bring with them a sense of calm being "complete" gives you..  After all, we're looking for it ourselves. All the time.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Starry Night

This post was written on Friday, 8th Sept 2012 but could not be published because of a technical issue. :(

Late last night, after a low moment, I stood in the balcony to clear my head a little. Looked up to see the sky brightly lit with the moon in the center surrounded by hundreds of stars.. and the clouds coming to life in the moonlight.

And I could hear my heart singing to me.. "Look at the stars.. Look how they shine for you.. And everything you do.." :)  (Ref: Yellow- Coldplay)

Nothing or no one can console you better than the universe.. On a serious note, everything else seems so unimportant in front of it..

I'll have to say, the good thing about Hyderabad is that I get to see stars in the sky.. so many of them! Will miss this when I go back home.

I tried to capture them but no matter how good your camera is, you can never really capture what you see through the naked eye.. that too, I used a phone camera!!

(couldn't get the stars at all :( )

 Maybe it's good that you can't capture it.. that makes the experience all the more special !!

And just today, I got this in my inbox.. from Sakhi:

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

the space in between~

feels like i know you from a different place,

on a different universe~

and somehow, i always wait for these two worlds,

to be one..

so that i may know you in this world,

that i call my own..

and know you in the world that belongs to you,

and no longer in the space in between.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Beauty in Imperfection

This innate obsession with trying to fix everything is killing my spirit day by day..

It's just this obsession about trying to make every aspect of my life perfect.. But in the midst of trying to fix things, to make them better so that I may be at peace, I have lost all the peace I had..

maybe there are always going to be those little nooks here and there.. it's about overlooking them and being happy anyway.

Reminds me of a quote out of the book I'm reading at present:

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy" - Anne Frank

Friday, August 10, 2012


Recently, someone asked me if I was given a chance to change or erase one thing from my life, what would be it?

I could think of a hundred different things from the top of my head.. but when I dug deeper, I realised that everything that took place was either necessary or unavoidable.

Regret feels like such a waste of time then..

Thursday, August 9, 2012


It makes me angry and sad at the same time when some people don't always understand the way I feel. I mean- how can they not see that they are hurting me by their words or actions? It's not something I need to tell them. And yet, somewhere deep down, my heart still feels a liking, an affection for them.

Because they don't understand what they do.

I get that people can be good individuals but may not always be good with you. But it's still baffling how they don't understand what the other person might feel when they do or say certain things.

Maybe it's because we all are so different from one another.

For the record, I have started keeping a personal diary again, and it helps much more than blogging. I started blogging to write for myself but slowly, as it gained more readers, as I met these readers and as word spread to my offline world, I began to be judged by whatever I wrote.

And writing for myself has never been the same again.

Sometimes, it does work here but other times, I find myself stopping to think whether the next line will mean something to someone and potentially hurt them.

I did think of an anonymous blog at first but that too is prone to following the same cycle.

Also, there's a lot of joy & a sense of release in using your hands to write. Typing does not replace it.

It's fun keeping a journal again but not as much as it was during my teenage years. Back then, it was more about detailing day-to-day events. Now, it's more about thoughts, feelings and life.

I'm finally growing up, eh?

Well, all this does not mean I am going to bid goodbye to this blog. I'll always keep posting here. Will continue to write here as and when I feel like - just like I always have.

And if I feel like sharing some of the lines from my journal, I'll copy them here for all of you to read.

Adios for now.. be good and be happy :)

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Slow down, you crazy child..

Know the sort of joy you feel when you fall in love with a song that's playing in the backdrop when you're watching a movie? And the restlessness that follows when you rewind the movie over and over to  find out its name?

Was watching "13 going on 30" on Friday night. I have always seen that movie in bits and pieces on TV.. Saw it at a stretch on my laptop for the first time. Beautiful movie..and the song had me floored! It's called "Vienna" by Billy Joel. Lovely lyrics, lovely soothing music!

I've shared the lyrics AND the download link here..


Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you? (Download Link)

If you want to listen to it here:


Love the lines-
"Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right."

So true!

For best effects, put on your pair of headphones and listen to this number past midnight.

P.S: Does anyone else think Jennifer Garner's body is like that of a man's body? I mean, I think her face is really cute but her body is so masculine!

Friday, July 20, 2012


picnic baskets,
flower bouquets,
holding hands in the rain,
dancing the waltz,
kisses on the cheek,
running in the park,
sleeping beneath the stars..

dreams are fading away.. there just isn't that longing anymore.
 thought i had a lot to give.. but perhaps i'm changing!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Caught in a whirlwind of emotions since the last few days...

Have you ever been afraid of moving on? I've been in a limbo since as long as I an remember.. Somehow, my mind keeps wanting to hold on to the "familiar" even if the "familiar" hurts. Moving on means letting go of the "familiar" so I can embrace the "new" but then there is this fear that comes in the way.

How does one ever take a leap of faith?

All of this took a back seat when I got a call the other day (Friday morning) from a close friend who informed me that Rehab passed away. It hit me in there..

Rehab and I weren't what you would call close friends. We had first met back in March 2009 at The Trident - Nariman Point for an event by Intuit and that's when I got introduced to her blog. I became a regular reader since mid 2010 and we kept meeting at Blog Camps, Bar Camps- exchanging smiles and ideas about blogging, books, BarCamp sessions and the like. Her blog is a glimpse of her positivity and love for life. And just like her face, it radiates a happy feeling. She wrote beautifully and I would always wait for her to post something new. It used to make my heart smile and fill me up with hope.

The last I had met her was when I was in Bombay for the last time - 17th June 2012. We were planning on organising a Blog Camp together. We had been exchanging emails regarding the same and when she didn't get back, I sent her another email at precisely the time she breathed her last. (Thursday, 5th July, 11PM IST).

She was a beautiful soul - one of the kindest I had come across. She was calm, kind and very helpful. and it's saddening that she had to depart so early.

This is the first time I have lost someone I knew fairly well (other than my grandfather, but in his case, we had accepted that it would happen one day). And the suddenness of it all is what hurts more. I hope her soul is at peace just like it was always, and how it was passed on to those who were touched by it.

Dealing with just so much all at once right now..I'm alternating between feelings of hope and despair every minute of the day. Waiting for something that will soothe my heart - something that will feel like home.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Sometimes I just want to hurt myself so that my heart can finally cry.. I just want to get hurt in the hope that all the sadness and anger inside me will get washed away forever.

Could totally connect with this.

I don't want to be here tonight. I feel so alone. Just can't get myself to sleep. Wishing I could be home asleep on my mattress, wrapped in my mom's hug!!! :(

Monday, July 2, 2012


She thought she had him forever and for always. She felt safe. She didn't realise her heart was hurting. She let him penetrate the wall that she had built anyway. She destroyed her life.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Whole or nothing

Truth or lies,
Virtue or vice,
Love or hate,
Good or evil,
Right or wrong,
Pure or impure,
Moral or immoral ...?


Whole or.. NOTHING.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

pleaser's price

Spoke to Reeti after a long long time yesterday and during our talks, she told me that my basic problem lies in always trying to mend things- to fix them, to put an end to them nicely, to maintain friendly relations with people, to please everyone, to be nice..

maybe i do this because of a fear of losing people.. losing a place in their heart, perhaps.

I don't like it when things end or when they don't end on a good note.. but the more i try to fix things or try for them to be nice, the more i screw it all up.

sometimes i even bend over too much in order to keep things in their place.. trying to constantly control things around me so that they may be good and peaceful again.

Guess I should listen to my brother- "If you want something to be at peace, stop trying to fix it"

Not so easy to implement but it sure does make a lot of sense!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

What a girl wants

Just finished watching this movie ("What A Girl Wants") and I totally agree with it..

A mother's love comes naturally but what a girl also really wants (rather, 'needs') is complete love and acceptance from her father.. No questions asked, no judgements or comparisons made.. just love, trust and to be the most beautiful daughter in the world to him. For without it, there is always that void inside somewhere..a strange kind of emptiness.

For all the dads-to-be out there, make sure your daughter is *your* little princess! :)

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


so, the weekend was spent in doing lots of random things-

I finally got a haircut (my hair is 2.5 inches shorter now) on Sunday in a really nice spa salon. Doesn't matter how awesome the salon is if the hair stylist is a pervert.. kept trying to have his way with things on pretext of checking the length of my hair! The other stylists were good but I had to put up with this one.. The manicure lady was nice though and my nails have an electric teal colour on them- something i tried for the first time!

Also met someone from Twitter - someone who follows my blog *really* well (Sanjita- I must say- I was impressed!! :) ). Was pleasant meeting her..

saturday was more about personal work,  shopping for food supplies, cleaning the room.. and most of all, stocking my food rack with the supplies i bought- i kept looking at it like you'd keep looking at a new pair of shoes or clothes you just bought.

somehow, even though i miss my friends & home terribly and i'd love to go back, looking at this rack gives me a feeling that i can provide for myself..

these last 3 months have been about managing my finances, searching for a place to stay, shopping for things like bedsheets, detergent & small utensils, paying the rent, keeping the room clean (which i never paid attention to in my own house and still never do when i go home strangely :P), buying fruits, milk & other food supplies every week..exploring the city, going back home once in a while.. and still saving up for self indulgence! it's a nice feeling being able to manage almost everything without really being dependent on someone else for it (okay my mom pays my internet bill but that's soon going to change too :P)..

now the only thing i want is being totally independent emotionally as well..i depress myself for no reason at all and then get worried about it too.. my mind gets the better of my heart a lot of times and i need to keep telling it that i'm stronger..something that used to come naturally to me until a few years ago!

also need to learn to stand up to people when they say something to me- something i suck at.

i have this weird tendency of trying to be honest or standing up for what i feel is right and at the same time trying my best not to hurt the opposite person (by trying to be nice).. trust me, that never works. Not only do you fail at your task of not hurting them, you also end up hurting your own self.

being *truly* independent is a lot of work than i thought!

All that apart.. what do you think of my food rack?

good job, eh? :)

Saturday, June 2, 2012


I miss you.

I miss me more.

Friday, June 1, 2012


Angry at myself tonight for feeling the way I do sometimes..

Tomorrow, I'm going to be awesome again.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Safe little world

I usually avoid posting shared images from Facebook here, but this is precisely how I have been feeling for a while.

Then, I read this post by Marina Keegan (a Yale University alumni) : that I could perfectly connect with.

She talks about what the opposite of loneliness was for her, how scary it is to step out of it, and how it is never too late to make a new beginning.

The opposite of loneliness for me for a long, long time was my safe little world.. it composed of :

College friends

Tea with college friends at the regular chai wallah, after bunking a lecture or at the end of the day

Hanging out with my old buddies

Having family to keep me grounded

And for almost the past couple of years, someone who loved me very very much (my source of strength and weakness both)

I was happy with my world and I thought it would last forever.. I clung onto it.. Perhaps, I also often took it for granted. Until late, I realised that nothing lasts forever.

So much has happened in the past year. College is over, friends are slowly moving on with their lives, those that are still there are away from me in terms of distance (considering I am in another city), that someone has moved on with his life too, I am away from home (by choice, but can't do much about it right away)- from my beloved city, it seems like everyone is far away and going ahead with their lives except me..

Life was so much easier when I was 17 or 18. I had a sense of hope, friends to back me up, to laugh & cry together with.. and I used to feel I have a lot of years ahead of me to change my life. Even until last year, I felt free with my safe world around me. There were no expectations, no pressure in terms of having a proper job or a proper boyfriend. That freedom actually made me think wisely and take better decisions.

Now though, especially since the last year (right after college got over), I feel the need to hurry- which does not give me time to really know what I want from life. I am making all the more mistakes now because I think I have to be perfect - that I am not a kid anymore - that I have to figure my life out as soon as possible - that almost everyone else have already found themselves and are moving on.

The post however says that 22-23 is not too late to make a new beginning. It isn't sinking in so easily though. Is it really true? Will I make it? Will I feel young enough to make mistakes again? I want to feel that sense of possibility, that fearlessness.

I thought it'd be awesome to finally be free from college, be away from home.. be able to do what I want to do. Instead, it's confusing, scary.. sometimes overwhelming but mostly scary.

I never thought it would happen, but I guess it's time. It had to happen. And I have to deal with it.

My safe little world is broken~

Saturday, May 5, 2012


So much has happened throughout the week.. I have one good news, one bad news and some lessons learnt.. I'll share the bad part first so that the good part is well received :)

The visa I was talking to you about in the last post - got rejected :( I have no clue why it would get rejected but the letter said that I either did not demonstrate strong ties in the United States or was presumed to be an immigrant !! I was really upset at the way things went. I thought I atleast deserved a detailed explanation. I had more information to offer than what was asked. Just didn't think it was right to offer it without being asked for it. All they saw at the embassy was my passport. I really think they should give you a chance to justify your reasons rather than just flatly refusing you a visa. You can't claim any part of the visa fees or ask them to give you a proper reason. All you get is the rejection letter. What if someone really needs to go? To see their dying relative for instance? Do they not get a chance to prove they are indeed telling the truth? I strongly believe there should be some processes for the same..else, it's very sad.

Funnily though, the letter was typed in English on the front side (where it was stamped and signed) and Gujarati behind.. Thought Marathi was our second language!!

Still figuring out whether I should re-apply. Will take a call today.

I have been dealing with too much this week.. just not able to recognise why I am behaving the way I do. I cannot eat well (which may not be a bad thing, I lost a lottttt of weight!), feel weak & tired all the time, get up scared in the middle of the night & have trouble going back to sleep.

Realised a few things though..

A lot of times, I used to put the other person before me- thinking whether something would hurt someone- without sometimes thinking about how it would make me feel. I used to feel guilty and miserable about having hurt the other person even though it was purely unintentional. But now, it's just me getting hurt without anyone getting affected by it or even stopping to think about it. Suddenly I'm left stranded alone where I thought there was so much love once. I did not even get the help I needed.. The extremity of it is just not sinking in. It is something I'd never do to anyone- no matter what. It's the worst feeling ever..

The last one year has been tough. I know now for sure that it wasn't me living it at all. It was definitely someone else trapped in my body. Feels weird.

To someone I know-

"I always told you I don't know you after all this time. How could I know you when I didn't even know myself then? You asked me to trust you and hold your hand. How could I trust you when I didn't trust myself?"

I guess it's too late but I'm picking up the lessons learnt. Trying to have more faith in myself each day so that I may have faith in another. Trying to love myself so that I may love another. 

Sometimes, even when two souls seem to have the same rhythm, it is the timing that plays a role in bringing them together. If it is not the right time, you cannot try to make it the right time. You cannot control nature. I should also stop living in illusions..

And looking at the present situation, I feel that though love can give you strength, it also has the power to take it all away from you making you feel like nothing. It is only the love from within that is forever..

Just read the following piece on Cynduja's blog. I had come across this blog a long time ago, but only today I sat to read all of the posts and each one of them are so amazing! Discovering something new and good to read is such a joy! I am adding this blog to my blog roll right away! So here's the piece~

"How something can feel so wrong and feel so right?
How being so fucked up can seem so straight?
Is doubt only a product of certainty?
A certain something you certainly want but can't pay the price for?
I am bidding goodbye to an alternative future,
But I am so in love with it too;
So I am secretly hoping that these two roads will meet somewhere;
That I can have a bit of both; that I realise both were not too different somehow;
That I picked the better one.
It would kill me, if I find out the other road filled with more things I want; but I picked this one instead because it was just the right thing, for all the wrong reasons
But the good thing is that for every road you take; the alternative is only in your imagination. Life is but one and what you have is all that you've got!"

Wasn't that a touching piece? I too hope somewhere in the future, I will cross this road I am about to leave.. and see what it had in store for me. I hope someday we meet and laugh over it together, knowing we couldn't have been righter. I hope there comes about a moment of peace. For I could never go without finding out what this alternative future had in store for me.

Something else I read on the same blog--

"There's an acid test to find out if you love yourself. See how comfortable you are with somebody else loving you."

It's indeed true that you can never be fully comfortable with someone loving you if you don't love yourself first. Even though you might like/love the other person.

That is when letting go gets difficult.

Right now, I am missing home and the comforting hug of my friends and especially my mom - for it's the only thing that puts me to sleep. I get scared of even going to sleep these days.

Now for the good news--

About two years ago, I had participated in a short story writing contest organised by THE MAG ( They had said that besides three cash prizes, twenty winning entries would get published. Had submitted three stories and was jumping with joy when the two of them got selected - to be published!! :)

After a long wait, I finally received the copies last Saturday. Here they are-

I quite like the intro they've added after the stories too! :)

Isn't it great?? :)

Speaking of books, something weird happened today. I always have the habit of looking up old actors and actresses of the sitcoms I used to watch - like just last week, I googled Vicky from Small Wonder and found out she had left acting and is a nurse now. Michelle from Full House is all grown up but doesn't look as cute as she used to. And Fonzie from Happy Days is too old to pull off his cool "Aaee" attitude but looks dashing anyway. Anyway, so coming to books, I saw a cover of one of the books from the "Famous Five" series online somewhere.. and wondered what George Kirrin (one of the Famous Five characters) must be doing now.. and then realised it was only a book - not a part played by someone real. It was a strange feeling indeed..

Anyway, I wish I could share the copies of the book with all those who made it happen. They did say that they are trying to make the book available on Flipkart and Infibeam, so let's hope for the best! :)

Sunday, April 29, 2012


So I guess I am back from hibernation. The last time I thought I'd write a post, there were just so many thoughts racing through my head in no particular order that I couldn't stop to write any of them down. I think it's time I bid goodbye to Project 366. I wanted to do it so badly and feel horrible about not being able to finish it. More than being busy, I was preoccupied with way too many things - one of which I am going to disclose today.

Sometimes, you want some people in your life because you like their presence. Sometimes, you want certain people to be around because they make you laugh. Some people comfort you, some offer a shoulder, some bring you peace, some help you in your work & day-to-day duties.

Then there are those rare ones who accept you wholly, love you and worship you to the point of putting you on a pedestal. These are the kind of people who change the way you look at yourself.

I had started loving myself through one such person - which was fine. But slowly, knowingly or unknowingly, that someone became an authority of my existence, someone without who's approval I couldn't go a day without. Although, all along I knew this was wrong, I guess I wasn't strong enough to change it or stop myself. Needless to say, I made both our lives miserable and hate myself for it.  I never have (not even once) intended to hurt anyone, and yet I hurt someone so bad it felt like murder. I felt suffocated with all that guilt, made a whole lot of mistakes, played with my soul & morals too and now, everyday, I wish I could've listened to my heart and just been a little more stronger. AU did say that this was the worst way of killing yourself. I didn't realise how true that was. Day by day, I was losing a part of my soul. I was unintentionally crushing the other soul too. So, gradually, I had started moving on with my life.. loving myself, pushing myself to be stronger and to keep my head & heart together. I had plenty of things to look forward to. For one, I am finally going out of the country - to see my brother next month (I still have to get my visa stamped.. so let's discuss that later).

But one day, when I sensed that *that someone* was falling out of love with me, and all that love was slowly going to someone else I panicked. Big mistake again. I was already on my way to finding myself.. but knowing that all that love & acceptance was going away scared me. Even though I was getting stronger everyday, knowing that I had someone's whole acceptance of me made things easier. It was the only thing that I thought would always be stable in my life, it gave me strength and subconsciously I was still holding on to it. And when I realised that it wasn't forever and that it was fading, it crushed me.. and I made myself miserable again.

At this point of time, I really don't know whether to look back and regret or to look ahead and panic.
Trying my best to stay where I am.

I could've tackled the situation better, could've tried to live in the moment and feel things for what they were, rather than dissect & analyse everything. Maybe I'd have got all my answers then. I feel blanked out now. Dealing with feelings of sadness, anger and regret - all at the same time.

I don't know whether I was right or wrong, what I should and shouldn't have done in every situation, what would've happened had I stayed calm all throughout. Heck I don't even know whether I am a good person anymore.

But I know I have a lot of things to be thankful for - I am blessed with the awesomest friends, a super loving mom, a caring room mate, nice colleagues at work and lots of people who truly care about me. I couldn't have asked for more. It's time I stopped taking my life for granted. I am lucky indeed.

Right now I don't need anyone to even tell me how right or wrong I was. I don't even expect anyone to understand any of this. It's nice enough that all those people are still around and that they still love me. And I've never felt more grateful. I just want them to be there.

Slowly trying to keep my head & heart in place and just trying to be where I am - not in the past or the future, but right here. Keep losing it everyday and keep picking myself back up. Just hoping I don't lose patience with myself. That's my biggest fear.

Will I make it?

I guess it's all a matter of FAITH.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Hyderabad (Day 80 Project 366)

This post was written on the 22nd of March when I was on my way to Bombay (in the train). Could not post it at the time due to connectivity issues. I am already back to Hyd now :D

It has been a while since I last wrote. I don’t even know whether I should be calling this Project 366 anymore. But I’m not yet ready to call it off. Still trying to post as and when I get to. Sometimes, I do have the time but my eyes get too tired of the computer. Or I am too sleepy to even press a key. Other times, I feel like cuddling up with a good book atleast for 10 minutes before I can sleep. Or watch an episode of “2 Broke Girls” to laugh a little. I want to be dedicated to the project but making it an everyday activity can sometimes turn it into a ‘task’. On days that you are tired that is. I am still writing though- for different things.

Life in Hyderabad hasn’t been all that good. But I do have some interesting experiences to share!

I moved into a hostel on the 12th of March. The hostel food sucks, I am paying more than what the services are worth for, and no one except the warden can speak Hindi (broken, but comprehensive). On the other hand, my room-mate is friendly and the room is quite spacious. You cannot have everything you want, can you? I am still on the lookout for good places to stay that are closer to where I work and are spacious. But now that I have bonded with my room-mate fairly well, it might make the moving harder. I might try to get her to move in with me too.  Let’s see.

Shopping is so much fun when you are alone. Never knew shopping for bedsheets would be as exciting as shopping for clothes is. I ended up spending too much on them and then felt guilty about it later. I took pictures of one of them so just tell me how beautiful you think it is (even if you don’t think so). That will rid me of the guilt :P

I will upload pictures (or a video) of the room later (when it’s cleaner :P). We have roaches in our room and are going to call the pest control people next week. One more reason why I’m still looking for better places!!

As I said before, I am not too happy with the food here. Nowhere do they serve chapaati the way we make it. I always thought “rotis” or “chapaatis” were made of wheat. You rarely get a roti that’s made of wheat here and I long for it. They use “maida” everywhere. Probably because it’s cheap. Little do they understand that it’s bad for your body and doesn’t digest easily. Or maybe they do understand but couldn’t care less to do anything about it. We aren’t allowed to cook in the hostel, and the ‘rotis’ you get outside at local curry points are all made of “maida” too. That leaves you just with one option – rice. And given the fact that I am putting on weight, having two rice meals in a day isn’t helping at all. Also, the subzi (vegetable) is too spicy.

The trouble with finding good food led Nissim and I to try cooking. Nissim is the friend I was staying with before I could move in here. He has a proper house with a well setup kitchen. So this one time, when I was at his place for dinner, we decided to cook some rice and dal ourselves. We called up his mother for help with cooking the rice and dal. And when it was time to give some ‘tadka’ to the dal, I tried calling my mom up. She wouldn’t answer the phone and eventually, I called my friend Aditi. Her mom answered and helped me with it. Somehow, even with her clear instructions, I managed to burn the curry leaves & cumin seeds. The dal was still edible though. Actually, more than just edible. It was tasty! The papad was prepared in the microwave, and we had some pickle at home.

I also stayed over once and there was nothing for breakfast so I tried boiling eggs with the help of JD & my friend Chinky's mom over the phone. And they turned out pretty well :)

The next time I go to his place for dinner, I am going to try “chapaatis”. I can make a lot of them twice every week and take them to the hostel. :D

I found a nice place (Chowpatti – Platters) that served good North Indian, West Indian and East Indian food at City Centre. It’s a mall there. The first time I went there, I was so happy and hungry that I gobbled up everything. Only halfway through the meal, I realised I could’ve taken a picture. I did anyway:

The next time I went there, I made sure I took a good shot before I could start eating:

Delicious, no?

There are a lot of malls around here- GVK One being the grandest of them all. But somehow, I like City Centre better. It isn’t so posh looking as GVK One but it has everything you need. The food, wide variety of body products (love 'em!), good stationery at Crossword (awesome craft products at Crossword of all places!! I knew they stocked stationery, but craft???), good shops that don’t burn a hole in your pocket.

Almost everything is too expensive in Hyderabad. The auto drivers refuse to go by the meter (except for the occasional honest ones) and charge you any price they think they’d get. Eating is expensive too. The Frankie you get in Bombay starts at Rs. 12 while the one here starts at Rs. 35 ATLEAST. I don’t have many options to eat around my workplace. There is a Frankie place called “Roll Call” and a Subway. Not being particularly fond of Subway, I eat at the Roll place sometimes. One veg roll costs you Rs. 45 and it’s not even that tasty. It’s so spicy that you get full just by drinking water. So I either have to pack my hostel food for lunch or get something from the local curry point which again is either “maida roti” or “rice”.

Parlours are expensive too. I wouldn’t get into the details of it but I was shocked at how steep the rates were- more than double of what they are in Bombay!!

You would think Bombay is more expensive- it being the city of "dreams" and all.. but trust me, other than land & rent, everything is dirt cheap in Bombay – unless you’re the kinds who prefers living life in total luxury.

One thing I found cheap was Naariyal Paani (Coconut Water). I had one for ten rupees the other day and told my room-mate about it. I told her I was happy and didn’t mind having one everyday. She said ten rupees for a coconut is expensive. People bargain for five to six rupees it seems. That is way too cheap. You get one for 22-25 INR here (Bombay).

One good thing is they don’t give you plastic cups at tea stalls here. They serve tea in recyclable paper cups but they are way too tiny!! :( They don’t serve tea in glasses strangely but I think that just makes it more hygienic. I have an emotional thing with having tea in chai glasses though.

Also, tea is consumed a lot more than coffee. You would think since it's the South of India, filter coffee is easily available. But strangely, it isn't. Even most tea points don't make coffee like they do in Bombay.

Coming back to malls, GVK-One has Hard Rock Cafe – one good place I enjoyed at last weekend. I have never been to the HRC in Bombay yet, strangely. I thought the place would be a little too loud for me. But I loved the music AND the company. Remember the nice people I had mentioned last time- one of whose birthday it was and I had gone to their place for dinner? I went out with them, the girl’s dad, Nissim and one more person. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. It’s too bad that it was their second last day in Hyderabad. Why do things end when they are just starting to get better?

Anyway, so HRC was fun. Amongst all the madness, the DJ played the song I requested for and he was especially happy when I went over to thank him personally. The atmosphere was joyous. The “Saturday night” effect perhaps.

So my last weekend (18th-19th) was quite eventful. Was working on Saturday and then went to HRC. On Sunday, I went for a movie “Kahaani” with an old friend and later during the day, caught up with some Twitterers at a Bombay tweetup I had organised :D The movie was good even though I had accidentally read the climax somewhere.

So, by now, I think I have summed up what I feel about the place. Work keeps me occupied. The rest of it isn’t very enjoyable but I am somehow pulling myself along. Let’s see how it goes.

Right now, I am on my way to Bombay- for three whole days!! :) Okay, almost three. Train journeys are fun. Waiting to catch up with my friends again.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

2 Broke Girls

Aditi had given me some episodes of 2 Broke Girls just before I could move here, and let me tell you- I'm hooked to this sitcom! I simply love it! <3

It is so hilarious and full of life.. you won't get bored one minute, I tell you! And it's that way right from the first episode.

I especially love Max (Kat Dennings) on the show..

Isn't she beautiful?
Though a bit plump, she manages to look drop dead gorgeous all the time!

Lately, I'm so obsessed with weight loss that I actually purchase low fat cereal :( I don't think being a little on the fatter side is bad any longer ..*cough*.. ahem.. or maybe I am just trying to convince myself..

This show totally rocks and I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to get away & get a good laugh :) Thank you Aditi for the reco and the episodes!

And oooh.. I have a  secret crush on Johnny on the show-

Isn't he awesome?

He's also like the IDEAL man.. bartender+street artist+oh-so-romantic! :D

Friday, March 9, 2012

Happy Holi! :) (Day 68 - Project 366)

I can't believe I am so busy all of a sudden!!! Excuse me if this post sounds disoriented. My thoughts don't really have a proper flow today.

So, I have been busy. Though I have plenty of time on my hands after I come back from work, I am too tired to do anything..

The whole week was spent in doing work. Though I get tired, I am sort-of liking it now.   Actually, I don't know whether I am liking it or getting used to it but trying not to worry about that too much.

Bangalore was both good and bad. I'm still pretty shaken..and cannot think clearly at all.

I finally found a Lush lip scrub there:

Was looking for a lip scrub for a long time.. I had heard of Lush's Bubblegum lip scrub but didn't know they had it in Mint Julep and Chocolate too. Needless to mention, I bought Chocolate. These scrubs are edible and tasty.. I have never been to any of the Lush stores in Bombay. For a long time, I was under the impression that they don't sell in India. I was very happy at finding it at a mall in Bangalore. The product is not AS GOOD as I expected it to be. :S I don't like the fact that it's sticky, and it doesn't do the job of removing the dead skin too well. I want to try other Lush products but their prices are pretty steep. This small lip scrub cost me 640INR!

My journey back to Hyderabad was real good. I was amazed by looking at the bus interiors. I had never seen a bus like that before!

I had booked it on redBus and the bus was "Dhanunjaya Travels". The interior of the bus was completely like a Two Tier AC train coach! This was the corridor:

The left side was the single sleeper side, meaning, it had two beds each- above and below. The right side, however, was a double sleeper, meaning it had four beds- two above & two below facing each other. The bus was clean & fully air conditioned, every "compartment" had a movie screen, curtains, pillows, blankets, personal plug points for charging your laptop or phone. Except for the fact that it didn't have a restroom and that the roads were still bumpy (they are roads after all), it was even better than a train!! It was the first time I saw something like that..

 Isn't this ladder much more convenient to climb on than the side ladder in the trains? Mine was the upper berth! :)

A couple of days back, Nissim- the friend I am staying with currently, introduced me to his friend and the friend's wife. It was her birthday and we had gone to their place to have dinner twice - on the day of her birthday and a day before that.

I had a real nice time chatting with them. Laughed quite a bit after a long time. Too bad they are leaving this place soon. I told them about the "train" bus too. They thought me to be silly though. They had been on such buses before and it was nothing new for them at all. :-| Guess I was the only one :P

Today was Holi and it didn't feel like Holi at all since I had to go to work. And in any case, the festivals here are not as grandly celebrated as they are in Bombay! Nissim's mother had sent some puran polis along with him when he went to Bombay last weekend. For those who don't know, it's a dish prepared especially during Holi. It's like chapati with some sweet stuffing in it. We had totally forgotten about them and ate them just today for dinner.. and suddenly, Holi felt like Holi again :)

Perfect timing! :)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Traff*cked :D (Day 62 - Project 366)

I officially hate Bangalore traffic. Was at the airport a little before 7pm last evening to attend a reception of a close family friend at this place called Jayanagar. I was all dressed up for the occasion but it took me 3 hours to get to the place and by then I was too embarrassed to enter the hall, so spent the night at a friend's place!!

The wedding, however, took place today and I donned a saree for the occasion :) It was a peaceful wedding and I made friends with this girl called Mahati. I had known her before, but we were very little then. I think I was about eight or nine when I had met her :D None of us could remember how the other looked like, and we had to be introduced again. We connected immediately and I spent the next two hours in conversation with her!

The rest of the day was pretty good too.. I am experiencing a lot of emotions at the same time. Need to breathe.

House hunting (Day 60 - Project 366)

I don't know if I've started liking the new city yet. I haven't yet got the time to really see around. The last couple of days were just spent in looking for a decent place to stay. While looking around for a good hostel/PG, we (mom and I) did a lot of walking around and the weather here didn't help at all. It is extremely hot here.. hotter than Bombay and though Bombay is hot, you atleast tend to sweat it all out. That isn't the case here. The heat gets to you. Besides headache, your eyes start to burn, water and feel heavy. You feel totally drained out. I'd strongly suggest anyone planning to walk during the daytime here, to carry an umbrella and wear something that covers your face, neck and arms. The sun will kill your skin too. Also, carry a bottle of water with you ALWAYS.

Mom left to go back to Bombay just today. We came across a lot of different places. Some were real nice & clean and some looked impossible to live in. There was one PG where mom got freaked out just by looking at a girl's makeup :D It looked to her more like a brothel house than a PG! There is one hostel that is very close to my workplace, it is very affordable, clean, provides meals and the street is full of food stalls and chai joints. The only bad thing is- they have five beds in a room- each bed the size of a mini sofa and all stuck to each other! I don't mind sharing the room with a couple of people but something like this would suffocate me greatly.

There was a really nice PG with girls from different places- mostly from the North and one Marathi speaking girl from Nagpur too! But the commute would be a problem there as the place was really far! There was one more hostel that I really liked, and the room that would be assigned to me apparently had a girl from Bombay staying there. So I'd be sharing the room with her. I had gone to that hostel again today hoping to meet her as she works late. I waited for her for somewhere over 30 minutes but she still hadn't returned from work so I left my number for her to call me. She then called me up saying she was from Calcutta and not Bombay :-| Anyway, I like the  room so will probably move there. It's slightly far from my workplace but I guess I'll manage.

I always thought living somewhere independently would be fun but this is getting really difficult and tiring :( Let's see what more is in store for me..

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

New city! (Day 58 - Project 366)

So finally I have done it.. taken my foot forward and here I am in this new city! The morning started with jogging with Alisha for the last time and the rest of the time was spent in bidding goodbyes to my friends & neighbours. I did feel a bit jittery while boarding the flight to Hyderabad with mom (she's spending a couple of days here) but I managed to hold myself together and ignored the feeling as much as I could.

I don't think it's going to be so bad. Yes, I am going to miss  my city. Yes, I am going to miss my dear ones. But this is also giving me a chance to explore myself .. and to see if I can really live alone ;)

As I write this, I am half trying to convince myself why I am here!

This might take time..but I am going to be stronggg!!! :)

P.S: I personally don't like posting too many posts at one go.. but I just couldn't help it this time. There was a whole lot of packing to do and I was pressed for time! :(

Last day at the Bay! (Day 57 - Project 366)

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go..

I am moving out of the city tomorrow and fortunately I am not feeling AS BAD as I did about it .. yay!! So I guess someone's virtual hug really helped me the other day! Thank you, whoever it was! ;)

Caught up with my friends Aditi & Reeti for a few hours before I could start packing my bags..

And then Alisha came to spend the night with me. She made me the cutest card (and an envelope too) and a pot to drink tea in everyday :) The pot has my short name on it too and it was painted all by herself!! :)

Thanks so much Alisha!! :)

I am going to miss my friends!!! :'(

New Laptop! (Day 56 - Project 366)

Finally got a new laptop today after a lot of hunting around..

Dell Inspiron N5050
HDD: 320GB
Processor: B960 2nd generation 2.2 Ghz
Graphic: 1GB Intel HD

The screen is 15.6 inches diagonally but this looks smaller than 15.6 somehow - but it's just like I wanted it to be! I didn't want a very big screen or even a tiny one :)

It does not have a numeric keypad but that's okay, right?

So what do you think? ;)