I was all set to build a career soon after I graduated.
Four months back, I wanted to get into a company because I thought I would be comfortable there and it suited my interests at that time. Thanks to the recession, I took up another job not getting a call from this one. I was scared, I didn't think I'd get adjusted to the new environment and the new people there. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and soon started enjoying the new environment and the people. It made me more confident and happier. There was so much freedom there that I started exploring my other interests. Just when I got attached to the people and the environment there, I got a call from this company I wanted to get into four months back. And since I had waited for so long, I took up the offer.
I didn't realise that it meant getting back to my old self, to the old environment again. I liked my new self better. Adjusting to the old environment scares me, it makes me feel I'll get back to being my old self again, the one I am not very fond of. So each time I try to talk to a person, I back out, I hold myself back subconsciously. I feel claustrophobic sitting on my desk all day and trying hard to focus. I haven't found a single person who would come out just for a walk with me, or have a cup of tea. I am rethinking my decision time and again. People tell me I should learn to live with the consequences of my decisions, and learn to live with different kinds of people and different environments. I don't think I am flexible enough, since I am having a hard time doing that. I don't know if I am working here because I want to, or because I am good at the work. It's not giving me enough time for myself, to do the things I love doing. I am so confused! I wish I wasn't like this all the time. I want to be sure of myself.
One thing that I have learnt out of this- "Always obey your parents, they know what's best for you." I wish I had listened to them all this time... Things wouldn't have been so difficult then.